Do you enjoy this?

Thoughts & Ramblings

Someone asked me this today. It started nagging me, which usually means it’s relevant to me. Maybe I’m not enjoying this as much as I thought I would?

I’ve been working a lot this year. I kept a work log for a few months and averaged 5.5 hours, 7 days a week – not including breaks, and not including 20-30 hours at the day jobs. I don’t enjoy being tired.

I’ve had periods where I’ve made very few sales, and most of the year has been running at a loss. I don’t enjoy being broke.

There have been several times when I’ve received harsh criticism, or a painful review. Sometimes I look at my own work and wonder why people would buy it. I have to constantly build myself up when I don’t always believe I deserve it. I don’t enjoy feeling undeserving.

There is no guarantee for success. In fact, there is more evidence to the contrary. I have to constantly battle with the idea of quitting and often feel like I am swimming against a brute force current. This is stressful and draining. I don’t enjoy the battle.

As an indie writer, I have to do everything myself. All decisions are mine -and so is the responsibility. I don’t enjoy the pressure.

Learning to write was difficult, and a long process. Continuing to improve is an endless vocation. I love learning.

I am curious about the world around me. My stories, art and journalling allow me to explore these questions in unique ways. I love exploring.

Every day, I am proving the voice of doubt wrong, and creating my own path to my own definition of success. I love my strength.

I’ve been able to publish books that were unlikely to meet the commercial demands of a publishing house. As an indie writer, I’ve been able to choose what I publish, and who I contract to work with me. I love the freedom.

There are people who have bought my books and resonated with my work. It is deeply satisfying and heart-warming to connect with people through story or art; to provide a moment of insight, inspiration or entertainment.

So do I enjoy this?

No. I love it ๐Ÿ™‚

6 thoughts on “Do you enjoy this?

    1. Nick, your endless positivity inspiring and motivational. Thank you – I like to think that my messages come through in my stories ๐Ÿ™‚


  1. You are not alone. I doubt my own material all the time. I wonder if I’ll ever break into the big markets. Yet I keep at it. I guess I love it, too. ๐Ÿ™‚


    1. I suppose doubt is a part of creating new things and putting them out there. I’m sure we wouldn’t be keeping at it unless we enjoyed it!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s